


Tonight

by Gummiebear



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:14:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24787522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gummiebear/pseuds/Gummiebear
Summary: Dele has 36 hours to show Eric the time of his life before it was all taken away from them, could Dele convince him to stay?So love me, like we don't have tomorrow, like there's no time at all, love, love me like tomorrow's, never gonna come.
Relationships: Dele Alli/Eric Dier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 39





	Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy! I did not expect to write this seeing as I started this before quarantine began and just gave up and lost all hope, like I usually do. Anyway, I am proud that I finished it. This is probably my last Dele/Eric fic. I've lost the spark for writing about my boys but I still love my boys dearly, always and forever. Thank you all for reading this and any other of my fics if you have. I will miss you all. Take care and you can always find me on tumblr.

“Wake up.”

“Del-“

“Wake up,” he repeated with a shove to Eric’s arm. 

Eric threw his other arm over his face to cover his eyes. “The sun isn’t even out yet, Del, please.”

“No,” he told him defiantly. “I’ve got the next thirty six hours planned perfectly and you’re not ruining it. Okay?”

Eric moved his arm so his left eye was free and he looked down at Dele who was already awake and fully dressed. “You’re serious?”

“Very,” he nodded firmly and clapped his hands. “Up, let’s go. The world awaits.”

“You’re exhausting,” Eric told him with a smile, groaning as he sat up and grabbed his phone from the night stand. His screen telling him it was not even half past five in the morning, which made him groan once again. “What’s the plan so early in the morning?”

“London Art Museum,” Dele beamed proudly, leaving the room momentarily, returning a minute later with a cup of tea for Eric. “We have to be there by six.”

Eric graciously took the cup from Dele’s hand and took a sip. “They’re closed on Sunday’s.”

“Not for me,” he replied in a sing-song voice. “I pulled some strings.”

“You’re exhausting,” Eric repeated with a sigh, pulling Dele in by the front of his shirt. He rested their heads together, breathing him in. He could smell Dele’s aftershave and cologne, musky and totally him. Eric pressed a kiss to his lips, soft and sure. “I love you.”

“Shut up,” Dele told him softly. “None of that, okay?”

“I do love you,” he reminded him, knocking his head against Dele’s to enunciate his words. 

Dele moved away from Eric’s space and stood up, fixing his shirt as he did. “Finish your tea and get ready. The car leaves in twenty minutes.”

“Del-“

“Hurry,” he told him. “I’m going to feed and walk Clay.”

“Babe.”

“Go,” he replied curtly. 

As promised Dele went downstairs and saw an excited looking Clay waiting by the front door, nails scratching on the hardwood floor. Eric had trained him well, he knew when he heard noise and voices coming from upstairs that meant someone was awake and was going to take him for his morning walk. Dele grabbed the leash from where it stayed by the front door and attached it to his collar before slipping on his shoes and leading them both out the door. Dele heard the shower start as he closed the door behind them, pleased with himself and Eric’s progress. The sky was still dark, the sun not set to rise for another hour. Dele let Clay take the lead, the dog knowing all his favorite places to visit during the walk. Smelling their neighbors flowers in their front garden, sniffing at random lampposts he passed daily. Dele was in his own head anyway, running through his plan for the day, making sure there wasn’t a single hour of free time. Everything was planned perfectly weeks before and confirmed yesterday. Everyone who needed to be informed was and knew their part in what was going to be a good day for both Dele and Eric. Dele was also distracting himself from reality, he knew that. He didn’t want to realize that this walk with Clay would probably be their last, unless he tried to sneak one in early in the morning the next day when they returned from their day away. Eric didn’t know but Clay was going to stay with Harry and Robyn while Dele wines and dined Eric all throughout London for the next thirty six hours. 

When Dele got back home fifteen minutes later Eric was sitting on the couch scrolling on his phone, dressed and ready to go. Dele smiled to himself as he took the leash off Clay and placed it by the door, the dog running towards the kitchen. Dele followed, not saying anything to Eric as he passed him. He filled the water and food bowl for him, cherishing the mundane aspect of it all. He leaned against the kitchen island and just watched the dog eat. It was something he had done so many times in the last four years but never really watched. Clay would be eating as he drank his morning tea or making himself his morning cereal or oatmeal. Or when they’d come home from training and Clay would be sitting by the front door, tail wagging in excitement to see them after spending all morning and most of the afternoon alone except the occasional visitor to check on him. Or coming home after a match, home or away, that didn’t go their way and a simple head butt from Clay to his leg would solve all his problems. Dele tried to not think too much about it, any of it really, but he was going to miss the dog. His morning breath peppering kisses on his face when Dele got a day in to sleep during their off days. He was quickly knocked out of his thoughts when Eric not so subtly coughed loudly from the next room. The man was impatient and cranky. Anyone would be so early in the morning so Dele let that pass. He patted Clay’s head, scratching the back of the dogs neck before heading towards Eric. 

“We ready to go?” Eric asked, his leg shaking with impatience. 

“Wear your trainers,” he instructed him as he walked towards the front door to slip on his. “I packed your nice loafers in your overnight bag.”

“Overnight?” Eric asked, eyebrows raised and he stood up and mirrored Dele’s movements. “Del, I’ve gotta go in the morning. Why-“

“I know,” he replied tightly, through a clenched jaw. “Trust me, okay? Everything is planned to perfection.”

They walked to the car in silence, Eric looking over at Dele every once in a while to see what he was up to, if he’d break and spill anything, everything. He remained tight-lipped as they both got in the car, Dele checking the backseat to make sure everything was where it was supposed to be. The sun was starting to rise as he backed out of their driveway and onto the main road, heading towards the heart of London, to the museum. He left the radio off, too early for singing on top of their lungs to cheesy 80’s and 90’s pop music that they loved to do every morning on their way to training. Dele made sure to make himself a playlist of all their favorite songs so he’d always have a constant reminder of their mornings together. The smiles on their faces, the redness of Eric’s cheeks from laughing so hard as he tried to sing alongside Freddy Mercury, never hitting the notes as well as the professional. Dele glanced over at Eric as he drove, the older man just looking out the window soaking it all in, taking everything around him in. The hand Dele wasn’t using to drive grabbed at Eric’s knee, giving it a quick reassuring squeeze to ground him, reminding him where he was and who he was with. Eric shook his head and turned to return Dele’s smile. He still looked utterly lost and confused but grateful. 

When they finally got to the museum, after looking for parking for close to fifteen minutes, Eric was a kid in a sweet shop. The sun was finally up, illuminating everything around them. Nothing was off limits, all rooms and galleries were just for them. They opened just for Eric and Dele and they were allowed to stay for as long as possible. Dele carved an hour and half for them before their breakfast reservations, but he’d save that for later. Now it was all about Eric and his love for all things art. Dele didn’t understand it much, never did, but loved just watching Eric look at a painting or something artful and try to figure out what he was thinking. Dele just watched as Eric stood in front of paintings and just stared, brows pierced together in concentration, just marveling in it. Dele laughed at himself remembering how many times Eric would get a delivery of a painting and spent days, sometimes weeks, trying to figure out where to place it in their home. A lot of times it ended up in Eric’s office or a hallway no one walked through. It made Eric happy and made him feel like he added something unique to their home so Dele just let him be. He couldn’t complain seeing Eric let him decorate their home with his own things as well, it was a partnership. Eric would occasionally look over at Dele, a wide grin on his face, genuinely happy. It was a piece of art, looked like just splattered paint on a white canvas but it made Eric happy thus making Dele happy. 

“Thank you,” Eric whispered to him, grabbing his hand to squeeze it. “You know they have art galleries-“

“No,” he replied sarcastically. “You don’t say. Today isn’t about that, it’s about us and London and the here and now.”

“Why do you keep dodging the topic?” Eric asked, his face flat and concerned. 

“I’m not,” he tried to reassure Eric, even though he was stumbling over his words. “I’m focused on the right now, okay? Tomorrow is tomorrow.”

“Del, baby.”

“Relax, Diet,” he told him with a scoff, squeezing his hand tight. “Go be an art nerd. We have this space for another half hour before our breakfast reservations.”

Eric sighed, his face going soft, bringing their connected hands up to his lips and kissing Dele’s knuckles. “You spoil me.”

“You deserve it,” Dele replied softly. “We’ve got time for sentimentalism, not now, okay?”

So for the next hour Dele followed Eric up and gallery hallways to stare at artworks and sculptures. Once in a while Eric would look at him and smile or ask for his input, which startled Dele. Eric had never asked for his opinion on something, never asked what a piece meant or how he felt about it. It reminded him of school in that way. The same nervous energy he’d get when a teacher called on him when everyone knew he didn’t know the answer, but had to say something anyway to make it seem as if it was paying attention. This time though, there was no right or wrong answer. Eric was genuinely curious as to what he thought. He didn’t have to get it right, no one was judging him or grading him. Eric just looked at him with wide eyes and a smile on his face as he rambled on about what he thought, not really making much sense but it still felt good to be included in the conversation. Dele snuck in some pictures of Eric by paintings and sculptures he wanted to remember. Even though photographs were against museum policy, he was being stealthy and looking around to make sure no staff remembers were around to chide him. He wanted to capture as many memories as possible. Save them for a rainy day, when he knew he was going to need them the most. When their time was up they graciously said their goodbyes to the staff, Dele thanking them profusely for all they were able to do for him, for them. 

“Next stop, breakfast,” Dele announced when they got back to the car. 

“Good, I’m famished,” Eric laughed. “Where are we going?”

“Another surprise,” he replied cheekily. “You should know by now, Diet. Today is full of surprises.”

“Fine,” he sighed, resting against the seat. “We are going far?”

“Twenty minutes,” Dele guessed with a shrug. “Rest if you need to, I’ll let you know when we get there.”

“Yeah,” Eric agreed, yawning. Being woken up before the sun was taking its toll on him. He rearranged himself in the passenger's seat to get comfortable before resting his head against the cold glass of the window and closing his eyes. 

Dele drove in silence to their next destination. Whenever he was stopped at a light he would look over at Eric to make sure he was okay. He may have stared at him a little too long seeing he would receive a honk from the car behind him sometimes. He didn’t care. He wanted to remember everything. Eric’s eyelashes against his cheekbones as he slept, the pattern of his chest as it rose when he was in a deep slumber. Even the sound of his snores was something he wanted etched in his mind for all of eternity. Any sane person who saw him would think that he was crazy, but he wasn’t. He was just a man in love trying to hold on to what was left of his time with the love of his life. By the time they got to the cafe the streets of London were open and bustling. It was a beautiful Sunday morning in the middle of the summer. Everyone tried to take advantage of the nice weather before the fall and winter months fell upon them. Dele hated waking Eric up, he looked peaceful and happy. With a few minor protests and grumbles he did wake up, blinking a few times to adjust his eyes to the bright light of the sun and their new surroundings. 

“Where are we?” Eric asked groggily. 

“Cafe,” he answered, locking the car door behind them. 

“French?” Eric asked, eyebrows raised. 

“Memories,” Dele sang. “Authentic French cuisine to remind us of our first trip abroad together.”

“International trip,” Eric quickly corrected him with a smile. He led the pair into the little cafe that was decorated as if it was actually in the heart of Paris. A French flag proudly waving in the wind outside, little booths and tables scattered perfectly inside. The smell of fresh bread and pastries as soon as you took a step inside the establishment. 

Eric was quickly overcome with nostalgia. He was reminded so much of the little hole in the wall cafes he’d try to go to almost every morning with Dele while they were in France. It was a brief stay in the tournament but held so many of their off the pitch memories. That’s where they clicked, and became the dynamic duo they were today. Hushed conversations over breakfast as the hot summer sun rose around them, not too different then right now. The city bustled around them and neither of them had a care in the world. Being anonymous felt great, people were too busy to pay them any mind. Letting them just be themselves. Laughing over shared stories from their childhood, embarrassing stories of days from their past. No topic was off limits, they’d just refill their tea cups and keep speaking until Roy or Kane would phone them in a worry, wondering where they had run off too. They’d return to the team hotel, bellies full of food that was restricted from their diets but smiles on their faces and a calm feeling in their bones. They took the competition very seriously, it was a huge deal for both of them, but when things got to be too much, they needed that moment of escape and they sought it out with each other. Now in the present it was very much the same. Sitting in a corner booth, despite the shop not being crowded, they could have some privacy. Pretend that they were back in France at least for just one more morning. 

“We have training this week,” Eric clicked his tongue at Dele, playfully chiding him. 

Dele smiled at the comment, a croissant hanging out of his mouth. “Pre season carbs don’t count. We’re still on holiday for another thirty six hours or so.”

“You have an excuse for everything,” Eric told him, smiling. He loved how Dele had a reason for everything, even though sometimes it was borderline asinine. That was who Dele was at his core, a person who knew how to turn a grey day into a blue one with a few words. Knew how to turn your frown upside down with a horrible joke or a witty pun. 

“They’re not excuses,” Dele told him, dunking his baguette into his tea. “It’s the truth. When it’s just you and I, nothing counts except us.”

Breakfast was lovely, that was the simplest way to put it. Besides bringing back memories of over four years ago it was just so simple. Eric didn’t know that just eating a simple carbohydrate loaded breakfast would mean so much. Cups of tea were scattered over the table, empty plates too. They tried every single pastry the cafe offered, even if they didn’t like it, as long as it was tried. The conversation was never heavy, lighthearted and full of stories from four years ago until that very moment. They may have lived in each other’s pockets during a vast majority of that time but it was always good to talk and share stories, even though they may have been told numerous times. At times Eric caught himself just staring at Dele as he spoke, moving his hands about as he spoke, like being gesticulative would make his story more interesting. He couldn’t even remember what words were coming out of his mouth but he just kept starting. Memorizing everything, burning the images into his skull. The curve of Dele’s top lip as he smiled about something. The way his entire face began to glow when he laughed, the crinkles by his eyes. Everything. The tiny little stain of chocolate on the corner of his lip that Dele wasn’t aware of was making Eric smile, not wanting to tell him because it was endearing.

“Diet, hello! Earth to Eric!” Dele called to him waving his hands in Eric’s face. “You alive over there?”

“Yeah, sorry,” he apologized sheepishly. “Spaced out for a minute.”

Dele wiped his mouth with the paper napkin that was on his lap, wiping away the chocolate stain on his lip and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “What are you thinking about over there?”

“You,” he replied with a smile, taking his index finger and bopping Dele on the nose which made him scrunch his face up adorably. “Us. Everything.”

“Don’t,” he quickly told him, removing his elbows from the table and leaning back in his chair. “Not now, okay? Here and now, Diet, here and now.”

“Del-“

“You done eating?” He asked, quickly changing the topic. “We’ve got more to do.”

“Dele,” Eric called to him again.

Dele looked at his watch and shook his head. “Let’s go, Eric. Gotta check in at the hotel before the next endeavor.”

Eric watched as Dele stood up and headed towards the till to pay their breakfast bill. He cleaned his face and brushed off the crumbs from his pants once he stood up. His mind was dizzy, trying to keep track and keep up with Dele’s emotions. “Hotel?”

“Yeah,” he replied with a shrug when he returned. “You and I overlooking London, very romantic.”

“Del, you know I don’t need all this wining and dining. I’m yours, forever,” he reminded him, grabbing Dele’s left hand and squeezing. “I’m not going to forget about you.”

Dele turned his head to smile at Eric, returning the squeeze to his hand. “Let’s go. Time's wasting.”

Eric just sighed as he followed Dele back to the car. He was a man on a mission and Eric just was along for the ride. His silence and quick changing of topics irked Eric to no end but he just had to go with it. Dele didn’t want to talk and Eric wasn’t going to push him as much as his instincts told him to. He knew it wasn’t good for Dele to keep everything bottled in, but that’s what he always did. Kept everything deep down inside him until something minor happened and busted open the cap. This time Eric wasn’t going to be around to clean up that mess, to lend a reassuring ear or word when Dele was going to be needing it the most. This time he was the reason why Dele turned the cap on his emotions tightly. He wanted to ease the transition so neither of them were overwhelmed with the change. Too bad Dele refused to accept the change, at least not to him. Once again he was keeping everything to himself, not letting Eric in, not letting Eric know anything he was feeling. He just had to swallow his pride and just let Dele take the lead on his own emotions, no matter how much poking and prodding Eric wanted to do. He just let Dele drive them to their next location, looking over at him as he did so. Trying to read his mind, trying to figure out what was going on with him. Why he was trying to avoid the elephant in the room. Maybe that conversation was for tomorrow at the airport, or maybe that conversation was never going to happen. Whichever one it was, Eric knew he had to be strong for the both of them, despite what the knot in his belly was telling him. 

“Change into your joggers,” Dele instructed him once they checked in their room. 

Eric dropped his overnight bag on the floor, turning to look over at Dele. “Why?”

“The next stop doesn’t require skinny jeans,” he answered with an eye roll. “It’s not formal, so joggers are appropriate.”

“Where are we going?” He asked, turning back to his bag, crouching down to open it and rummaging through it to grab a pair of joggers that were packed for him. 

“No,” Dele told him with a laugh. “I won’t tell you a single thing we’re doing, Diet. You know that.”

Eric shrugged, smiling to himself. “At least I tried.”

Dele walked over to Eric, leaned into his back and placed a soft, dry kiss to his neck. “Nice try, babe.”

Reluctantly Eric changed out of his jeans and into his joggers as requested. He still had no idea where they were going now or anytime of the day really. He checked his phone and realized it was barely past noon. He had been up for over six hours and already had a busy day and it wasn’t even close to being over if he took Dele’s word for it. He just had to power through the exhaustion sleeping into his bones. Trick his brain into believing it was a typical weekend for him during the season. Playing a late away game up in Manchester or Liverpool. Waking up early to catch the flight before the match. The toll it took on his body each and every season. As he followed Dele to the lifts to head back out he suddenly became sullen. The realization that he won’t have that anymore. Waking up before the sun, Dele grumpy next to him, complaining about the time and the unfairness of away games in the winter. He should be used to it after four years in the league but Eric let him bitch and moan as long as he was getting up and getting ready. Driving to the stadium to catch the coach to the airport, Dele fighting sleep the entire time. Their mugs full of hot tea to give them some faux energy before the adrenaline kicked in once they touched down up north. Getting on the plane and going to their designated seats next to each other in the middle of the plane. Dele always wanted to be the social butterfly, making sure he had access to anyone if he needed to speak to or bother them during long flights. Eric usually just shook his head as he listened to his music, watched a series on Netflix, or read his book. That was all going to be gone in less than a day. Well, it was already gone if Eric was being honest with himself. 

“Ta da!” Dele exclaimed excitedly as he parked the car in front of their next destination. 

Eric looked out the passenger side window and smirked to himself fondly. He began to shake his head and looked back over at Dele. “You’re something else, Delboy.”

“Surprise!” He exclaimed again, clapping his hands in excitement. 

“How did you even think of this place?” Eric asked, unbuckling his seatbelt as they both got out of the car. 

“Diet,” he gasped in faux shock. He clutched his chest and threw his head back dramatically. “This place was the birthplace of our date nights, before we even had date nights. Me kicking your ass in bowling for the world to see. You catered to my every need that night.”

Eric rolled his eyes as he vividly remembered that night. They were still just friends, skirting around the idea of maybe being more but neither of them willing to admit anything. Dele made a bet that Eric eventually lost and had been Dele's slave more or less that entire night. Now he was back at the scene of the crime. The bowling alley. Now he knew he had to redeem himself, all these years later. He couldn’t go out on a loss, couldn’t let Dele hang that over his head once again. The establishment looked the same, too. The neon colors illuminating the walls. The smell of fried, greasy food hung in the air. The cheesy electronic music playing through the speakers. It felt comforting, warm, a bit like home if Eric was being honest. This time was different, this time Dele was the driver and this trip wasn’t for humiliation, it was for fun, for the memories. They got their bowling shoes and we’re designated a lane, Dele paying for three games instead of the typical two because he knew how competitive they’d get. The couches were still the same lush, soft material as it was years ago. Eric knew Dele was purposely being nostalgic and for that he was grateful. Both of them searching for the right ball to use, Dele trying to be sneaky as he went from rack to rack to find the correct ball to match his oddly specific needs. He had the weirdest superstitious when it came to games that didn’t involve football. Nothing was allowed to be red, not the shoes or the ball, no noticeable dents on the ball either. Eric just rolled his eyes and pacified him because that’s what he always did, no harm, no foul. 

As soon as the game began the competitive nature came out of the both of them quickly. Even a simple game of rock, paper, scissors took them a few minutes to determine who would go first. A quick game turned into a best out of five because Dele was upset that Eric won the first two games with picking rock each time. He huffed and puffed that Eric was somehow cheating. Dele felt better once Eric let him win the next three rounds to determine that Dele would bowl first. It was ridiculous and childish and Eric wouldn’t have wanted it any other way frankly. The competition ramped up once they started to bowl, Dele trying to distract Eric each time it was his turn. Yelling random things at him, slinky his way up to him to give his waist a squeeze or to whisper nonsense in his ear. Tactics Eric was used to by now. Three and a half years together and Eric knew all of Dele’s tricks. He did have to center himself and breathe a few times to ground himself and refocus, but he couldn’t let Dele get under his skin no matter what. Dele was throwing strike after strike, he always excelled at everything he put his mind to and that was one of the reasons Eric fell in love with him. He never went halfway with anything. If Dele committed to something, he committed all the way. He wanted to feel like the practice and time dedicated to something was worth it in the long run. 

“Turkey!” Dele yelled in excitement, hands raised in victory. “Beat that, Dier.”

Eric shook his head as he retrieved his ball. Three strikes in a row was definitely an accomplishment and Eric could do the same if he bowled a strike now. He looked over at how excited Dele was and was unsure if he wanted to disturb that excitement. He walked up, ball in hand, and stared down the alley, thinking about his next move. He took a deep breath and saw Dele from the corner of his eye, smiling and dancing over his accomplishments. He weighed his options, thinking about the probability of throwing another strike. It was a small chance but as Dele just proved, it was possible. Was Eric going to be that lucky though? Dele kept looking over at him, his shit eating grin still on the face, the one that showed off his teeth and dimples. The one Eric easily got distracted by, even now. He took another breath and just threw the ball down the lane, letting fate take over at this point. He cringed a little as it wobbled towards the gutter, sighing when it straightened itself out. Dele was immediately glued to his side to see how it would all turn out. Once it was finally down the lane it ended up only knocking nine out of the ten pins down. Dele was automatically celebrating his victory. He hadn’t even won the game, and they had two games left to play after. He jumped on Eric’s back and demanded to be carried back to his seat seeing he was now the king of bowling, a title he decided to give himself. Eric couldn’t care less, Dele was happy, genuinely happy, so was Eric. 

“You’re a loser, Diet,” Dele boasted as he was carried back to his seat. 

“And you’re a gracious winner,” he replied dryly, with an eye roll. “We’ve still got to complete this game and two more, don’t forget about it, babe.”

“So,” Dele said with a shrug. “I’ll always hang this over your head.”

“I know you will,” he laughed, running his hand through Dele’s hair. 

Dele narrowed his eyes at Eric, knowing his diversion tactic from miles away. Eric knew Dele was mush in his hands the moment Eric touched his hair, his scalp. This time it wouldn’t work though. Dele took his phone out of his pocket, sighing softly at the feel of Eric’s hand, cursing at himself internally at being so easily manipulated. He took his phone and moved Eric out of the way so he could snap a picture of their current score. He danced in his seat at the excitement of posting it on all his social media to humiliate Eric even more. “E-Eric.”

“Hmm?” He hummed in response. 

“Hungry,” he told him. 

Eric rolled his eyes for what felt like the millionth time that day before removing his hands from Dele’s hair and placing a kiss to his forehead. He assumed he was on concession stand duty seeing Dele didn’t look like he was moving. The menu laid out before him in pink and green neon lights wasn’t the healthiest but Dele’s words about preseason carbs not counting kept replaying in his mind. He ordered whatever looked good to him. Sausage and peppers sandwich, a large order of chips for them to share, and of course a Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper drink combination that was absolutely disgusting but for some reason had grown on Eric over the years seeing Dele drink it on occasion and love it. The lady behind the counter looked at him oddly at his order but Eric gave her a smile and a shrug of his shoulders in response. He had no idea why he was ordering so much for two people but he was doing it. He returned to their table, passing Dele his food and god awful drink, much to the younger man's delight. The game was put on hold for a moment as they ate in silence, just looking over at each other occasionally, sharing smiles the entire time. Eric tried not to laugh when Dele inevitably got mustard on the side of his mouth, the younger man pretending he couldn’t feel or notice it just to keep Eric laughing. It was warm and lighthearted their lunch, the complete opposite of the feeling of the game they were playing. 

They eventually went back to playing their games of bowling. Things seemed to be less intense once they finished eating. Dele didn’t give up the chance of winning, never, he just wasn’t as high strung as he had been earlier. Eric accidentally threw his ball in the gutter after being distracted by Dele coming up behind him to place a kiss behind his ear. He was mad at himself that he let himself be distracted by Dele’s obvious tactics but to hear him laugh and see his wide, toothy smile, was all worth it in the end. Dele eventually won the first game, Eric barely winning the second. The third game was the tiebreak, the one to decide once and for all who was the bowling champion between the two of them. If Eric was a wise man he would’ve thrown the game and let Dele win due to his ongoing mood over the current situation, but Eric couldn’t do that. His pride stopped him from doing so. If he was going to leave, he wanted to leave a champion, he wanted something to hang over Dele’s head. The entire bowling alley felt silent, which it technically was, seeing it was a Sunday afternoon in the summer and there weren’t a lot of people around. Nevertheless, it felt like Russia 2018 to Eric, the Colombia game. Just him and David Ospina, no one else around, even though he could see Pickford out of the corner of his eye. It was up to him to save the day, a team sport had suddenly turned into an individual one and it was all placed on Eric’s shoulders. That’s the intensity he needed going into the final game with Dele. Do or die. Win or go home. 

“I cannot believe you blew it, Dier,” Dele laughed as he walked back to the car. “All you needed was a spare to win the game and you choked, bad.”

Eric looked over at Dele and shrugged his shoulders. He knew he blew the game, did it purposely. He saw the downturn to Dele’s smile, the crease between his brow, the gnawing at his bottom lip in worry. He was panicking that he was going to lose and Eric couldn’t see him like that much longer. He purposely threw the game, a fact he’d never tell him. “I guess so.”

“I am going to hang this over your head forever,” Dele reminded him teasingly. He hopped on his heels as he unlocked the car for them both. He had a new spring to his step, felt like he was floating on air. 

“What else is new,” Eric laughed as they got in the car. “Where to next, Delboy?”

Dele started the car and pulled out of the parking spot before driving onto the main road. “You’ll see.”

“Del,” he sighed with a small laugh. “You are the worst at keeping secrets but all of a sudden today you’re the best.”

“Oh, I love to spoil other people’s plans. Mine? Absolutely not,” he replied, echoing Eric’s laugh. 

“How long are we going to be at the next location?” Eric asked, looking out the window to see if he recognized where they were going. Everything looked familiar though, it was home after all. At least until tomorrow. 

“Few hours,” he guessed. “Then we need to head back to the hotel to shower and change before our dinner reservations.”

Eric sighed again and leaned against the seat, the leather echoing around the car. “I hate not knowing anything, you understand this, yeah?”

Dele turned his head to look at Eric and grinned widely. “Most definitely. I’m loving every second of it.”

Once again Eric looked out the window as Dele drove to see if he could recognize anything around him. Everything looked familiar though after living in the city for five years. Everything also looked unfamiliar as well, tiny things Eric hadn’t noticed over the years, not worrying himself about the minute details until just now. How the paint was chipping from the lampposts on almost every single street. How some streets were newly paved, a vastly different look from those roads who needed it the most. Eric was now looking at everything around him, studying everything he saw. Trying to burn the memories in his brain, hoping that when he thought of London he’d remember just how he saw it now. The sun shining bright in the afternoon summer sky, the streets busy but not typically overcrowded. Everything felt like it was out of a movie, or maybe it was how Eric wanted to imagine it. He never truly had a bad day walking around the town. Fans were respectful, for the most part. The twitter and Instagram thugs remained there, too chicken to actually say anything to his face. The ones that did approach him were humble and kind, always offering sweet words of encouragement. Eric’s favorite fans were those who recognized him but said nothing, stared at him from a distance, usually a hand over their mouth in shock. Eric would be cordial, smile and wave at the fan, giving them a genuine grin. That was the superficial side he was going to miss. The euphoria he felt after Russia, walking the streets like he was floating on air. Being responsible for the unity in England, even if it was just over football. Hearing his song in the stands every time he touched the ball, good or bad. The fan who stuck by him, good or bad. 

“Why are we at Jan’s house?” Eric asked, turning to look over at Dele. He had zoned out while they drove; he didn’t even recognize the street they were on until they were parking. 

“Surprise!” Dele laughed as he parked. The front of Jan’s home was littered with cars. Dele was proud of himself, that everyone followed along with the plan excellently. 

“Del-“

“One last time with the boys,” he explained, pushing a reluctant Eric out the car and towards the front door of the home. “Sadly, today’s not all about me. Well, it never was, but you get the point.”

“Who’s here?” Eric asked, bunching his hands together due to his nerves. Why was he so nervous anyway? Seeing his other teammates made it seem more real, it was actually happening. 

“Jan, Toby, Lucas, Harry, both Kane and Winks, Paulo,” Dele rattled off. “Danny as well, I invited Sess and Ben but they never responded.”

“Del-“

“Eric!” Jan shouted as he threw his front door open. “Welcome, welcome. The party’s in the back.”

Eric was immediately thrusted into a whirlwind of emotions the moment he crossed the threshold into Jan’s home. He explained that Sophie took the kids out for the day so they could enjoy a proper afternoon together. She sent her love and well wishes and demanded that Eric call or text at least once a week. How Jan ended up with a woman like Sophie was beyond Eric. He just couldn’t wrap his mind around everything right now. He looked over at Dele who was grinning widely at everything. He was proud of himself, pulling off another surprise effortlessly. Music and loud voices were coming from the back garden, different accents and languages blending together perfectly. It felt like he was back in the changing room after a good training session or a win against a tough opponent. Eric wouldn’t lie if someone asked him if he was a little sentimental right about now. He was surrounded by love in all forms. The love of his life has planned out this perfect day and wanted to include all his friends as well. People who he made connections with over the last five years. Friendships that were going to last, never mind the distance or where life would take them. When he arrived at the back of the home everyone cheered for him, like they hadn’t seen Eric in forever, which was true. After the last game of the season they all went their separate ways for their holidays. Texts were exchanged here and there but nothing beat physically seeing those people you could relay on day in and day out for months on end for work and personal matters. 

“Hey, Eric!” Lucas greeted him warmly, pulling him into a hug immediately. 

Eric didn’t mind the over affection he was receiving. Hugs instead of handshakes, a soothing touch on his back instead of a casual pat. These guys were beyond his friends, they had made themselves his family. These were the people who made his time living back in England tolerable. He felt out of sorts when he signed for Spurs, making the big move back home after spending a long time living in Portugal. Now he was alone in a country he didn’t know much about, even though it was home. His family stayed in Portugal while he just lived his dream. Jan, Kane, and Danny were there to guide him through it all. Kane and Danny to get him acclimated with being back in England while he and Jan navigated the country together. He was relearning about his birth country with an eager friend by his side. The rest of the lads joined in their group of misfits easily. Dele more than forcing himself to be a part of the group, which never once truly bothered Eric. Dele was a puzzle piece missing for Eric. He clicked instantly with everyone else, a smooth transition from teammates to friends. With Dele, it was definitely a struggle. A good one, but a struggle nonetheless. It was a real life fairytale with him, a coming of age story only reserved for the movies. Eric got to live it, got to experience the ups and downs of life with his favorite people by his side. Heartbreak and joy both on and off the field with people he’d proudly called his family. 

The back garden barbecue was exactly what Eric needed. Both he and Dele hardly ate whatever Jan was grilling, seeing hours earlier they both ate at the bowling alley and had dinner plans in only a matter of hours. It didn’t matter though, Eric was enjoying the company. The story telling, the laughing, eased the anxiety that was seeping into Eric’s bones. He relaxed even further when he saw Dele was at ease as well. He had been running around all day trying to make every little thing perfect for Eric that he hardly paid attention to himself. He always ran himself through the ground for others, always perfect selfless. It was good to see him sit and relax and smile his genuine smile, laugh his genuine laugh. His guard down around those he loved. Seeing him whisper to both Harry’s as he casted a glance at him from time to time to make sure Eric wasn’t eavesdropping on their conversation. Eric was too content with his current situation to even think of doing it, letting the sun hit his face just perfect, the sound of laughter and summer filling his ears. It was truly turning into the perfect day that Dele had planned for him. He knew it was going to end and he’d have to leave this place, these people, but for now he was going to enjoy all he had. He closed his eyes and just let the warm feeling in his chest wash over him, run down his arms and legs like a tingling feeling. He felt alive. 

“Eric,” Dele’s voice called to him softly. 

Eric groaned, not even realizing he had fallen asleep in the chair. “W-what?”

“It’s time to go, babe,” he spoke again, still softly. “You missed the entire thing but oddly no one holds in against you.”

“Sorry,” he croaked out. Eric slowly opened his eyes, adjusting to the light. He rubbed at his face to wake himself up. “I ruined it.”

“No you didn’t,” Dele scoffed at him. “This day is about you and if you want to nap, you can.”

“Yeah,” he agreed slowly, standing up and stretching, his body stiff from sitting for god knows how long. He looked around the back garden and saw everyone still hanging around, deep in conversations with food and drink in their hands. No one seemed upset over Eric’s impromptu nap. 

“Heading out, Dier?” Jan asked, watching Eric from the corner of his eyes. 

“Guess so,” he replied with a shrug. “Delboy is keeping me on a tight schedule and I gotta follow his rules.”

“Understandable,” Jan said with a chuckle. He stood up and walked over to Eric. “Come here.”

Eric let himself be engulfed by his friend. Even though there wasn’t a height difference between the two of them, Eric still felt small in his friends arms. Their hands grabbing onto the back of each other’s shirts, gripping tightly. “I’ll call you.”

“You better,” he weakly threatened, his voice sounding broken. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Eric reluctantly stepped out of Jan’s hold and allowed himself to be wrapped in the arms of his other friends one after another. They were always affectionate towards each other, pats on each other’s back, a reassuring squeeze to the knee or neck when it was needed, but now it felt different, felt genuine. No one wanted to cry but their eyes said something different. It was hard to say goodbye, not knowing when the next in person hello would occur. Promises of phone calls and text messages and FaceTime meetings were exchanged but it still wouldn’t be the same. No one coach rides up north or plane rides to somewhere in Europe where the foundation of their friendships were built. Late hours traveling after a match, good or bad, really bonded people. Sharing stories of life gone by, bonding with people who despite differences had so much in coming. Eric looked over at Dele as he hugged Kane one final time. His eyes were downcast, not wanting to look at his goodbyes with the boys. Either pretending it didn’t exist or just picturing what tomorrow morning would look like. Eric glanced back at his friends one final time as he and Dele exited the home and made their way towards the car and back to the hotel. Once situated and back on the road, Eric finally let himself exhale. He’d been holding a lot inside of himself for the past few minutes that it felt good to properly exhale. He didn’t want to make a scene in front of anyone, didn’t want to show emotion despite everyone expecting him to do so. 

Things were obviously tense on the car ride and once they got back to the hotel. Dele didn’t say anything, didn’t try and poke at Eric to say anything. The only thing Dele even said was to remind Eric about their reservation time and that he had his suit hanging up for him to put on once he was done showering. The tension wasn’t hostile or awkward, just different, palpable. Reality was finally settling in on them. Their thirty six hours was now down to twelve. Dele and Eric both showered and got changed in silence, small little whispered words exchanged here and there. Asking for something minimal or a quiet compliment on how the other looked. Dele was still trying to put on a brave face, pretending like his heart wasn’t aching every time he saw or touched Eric, trying to burn the memory into his mind to use for a rainy day. Eric was doing the same but was used to it, he’d been quietly doing it for the last week or so. Counting everything he did as the last time he was going to do it. They got dressed and ready for their reservations, Eric still in the dark about the exact plan Dele had for him. He just followed him blindly, but trusting him fully. They took the lift downstairs, lucky to be the only two people on it. They shared glances and smiles, little acts of comfort for one another. 

“You okay?” Dele’s question broke Eric out of his train of thoughts as they exited the lift, Dele instinctively grabbing the older man’s hand to lace their fingers together. 

Eric looked down at their hands and back up to Dele to smile at him. “Yeah, yeah I’m good.”

“Good,” he replied, smiling back at Eric and escorting them to the hotel restaurant. “This is your last surprise, Dier.”

The pair walked into the establishment and Eric was immediately taken aback by what he saw. The place was empty except for what Eric assumed were waiters and busboys, who tried to make themselves scarce. The room was lit up with candlelight and fairy lights, all immaculately placed along the walls and tables. Music was playing low, but something instrumental to set the mood Dele was going for. They were seen to their table, which was in the middle of the room, a bottle of champagne already chilling in a bucket. Even though it was a restaurant in the middle of their fancy hotel it still felt like they were somewhere else. It reminded Eric of their times in Mykonos, if he closed his eyes he could smell the ocean breeze shifting off the Mediterranean, feel the white sand between his toes, hear the sounds from many of the summers they spent there together. It was a memory he cherished dearly, hence why he and Dele went back so many times on holiday. They sipped the champagne that was popped open and poured for them. Dele’s smile somehow even brighter in the candlelight. Eric’s heart constricted tightly in his chest at the sight in front of him. No words were spoken, just looks and telling facial expressions that let him know Dele was feeling the exact same as he was. He felt love and kindness and peacefulness. A plate was placed in front of them and Eric scrunched up his forehead in confusion, he hadn’t remembered ordering anything. 

“Prefixed menu,” Dele explained, noticing the confusion on Eric’s face instantly. “I told you, babe, I’ve got everything planned down to perfection.”

Eric sighed and rolled his eyes, he should have known this by now. “Why? Why are you going through all this trouble for me?”

Dele took a large sip of his champagne, his throat going dry at Eric’s question. He was not prepared to answer it, not now, not ever. 

“Del,” Eric called to him, reaching his hand across the table to take hold of Dele’s. “I’m scared too.”

“I-I’m not scared,” he immediately countered, his words breaking as they fell out of his mouth. “I’m not.”

“Okay,” he replied softly. Eric knew neither of them were ready for the conversation so it let it be, for now. It had to happen eventually. Tomorrow morning at seven was creeping up on them faster than they could anticipate. 

Dinner ran as smoothly as it could, despite their looming conversation hanging over their heads. Dele had told Eric that he called the chef a few days ahead of time to prepare the menu for their evening. All the food Eric‘s mum used to cook for him back in Portugal. It wasn’t a home cooked meal but it was a little something to remind him of home, of his childhood. It was food Dele always wanted to try himself to cook but was too afraid of the outcome. Course after course, plate after plate left Eric’s eyes wide in wonderment. He was overjoyed at the thoughtfulness Dele put into the evening, the entire day really. The conversation was minimal, both men too occupied with eating to really speak. Eric did make sure he and Dele were touching in some way during the entire evening. Their free hands intertwined between meals or Eric hooking his ankle around Dele’s underneath the table. The bottle of champagne turned into two, the bubbly drink giving Dele the giggles. His laugh and smile were infectious making Eric smile wide, taking his phone out to capture pictures on the moments. The candlelight along with Dele’s soft demeanor reminded Eric of the teenager he met years ago. The soft, at times shy, boy who captured his life and time almost instantly. The boy who forced himself into Eric’s life from the very beginning. The boy who turned into a man before his very eyes and rearranged Eric’s life for the better. 

As soon as they got back to their room, shoes barely were kicked off, Dele was on Eric. He pushed him against the door, mouth on his instantly. Instinctively Eric places his hands on Dele’s hips to ground him as they licked into each other’s mouths, tasting the warmth with a hint of champagne. Their entire day was leading up to this moment, coming together at the end of a day which was filled with everything. Eric gasped into Dele’s mouth at the tug of his bottom lip, heavy breathing and sharp exhales echoed around the room, eventually moving from the front door to the bedroom, suit jackets and shirts discarded along the way. Eric just watched in awe as Dele fell onto the bed softly, panting, chest rising harshly with every breath. His skin was flushed and Eric loved how he was the only one that got to see that. See the pink coloring to Dele’s skin when he got overwhelmed. The red of his lips from kissing and biting them in anticipation. This was all for Eric and no one else. Dele was squirming on the bed from Eric’s eyes so intently on him, not embarrassed, but affected by the attention being paid to him. His hand was raised to reach for Eric as he brought him forward by the back of his neck to kiss him again, opening his legs to fit him in between them. His dull fingernails scratched the back of his head as Eric moved his mouth from his lips to his neck, shoulders, and slowly, achingly slowly, down his chest. 

“Eric,” he gasped as Eric’s teeth grazed at the sensitive skin over the opening of his pants. 

“I’ve got you,” he whispered into his skin, his right hand blindly opening the button and pulling down the zipper. 

Dele wiggled out of his pants, groaning at the loss of contact as Eric kneeled back to watch as Dele undressed. He disrobed, taking off his boxers as well and throwing them somewhere on the side of the bed. He immediately flushed again as Eric just stayed sitting on his knees and stared at him. Eric’s heart was beating rapidly in his chest, constricting tightly. Dele bit his lip at the eyes that bore into his skin, overwhelmed and full of love. Never embarrassed when Eric looked at him like this. Like he was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. Eric had told him that multiple times throughout the years and each and every time Dele believed him because he felt the love in Eric’s eyes, his touch. His instincts told him, yelled at him, to try and cover himself up, that he shouldn’t be so exposed to someone, but the moment those ideas crept into his mind Eric’s soft touch to his knee or ankle washed all those ideas away. Like now, Eric softly shifted forward, his fingers tracing up and down Dele’s lower legs, squeezing his knees with reassurance each time. Dele’s head was dizzy by the gentlest of touches to his skin. Eric had a plan that Dele wasn’t privy to but was more than willing to be an active participant. He wanted everything to be perfect, always, but more so tonight. Eric deserved this, deserved everything. Goosebumps were left in the wake of Eric’s hands as he ran them again up and down Dele’s legs, every time getting a little bolder, braver. Pressing heavy along his thighs, soft little whimpers escaping Dele’s lips each time. Eric was purposely teasing him and it was driving him mad. 

“I love you.”

“Eric,” Dele whispered his name as Eric’s grip grew firmer on his inner thighs. 

“So beautiful,” he spoke, sounding like the wind was knocked out of him just by the sight of Dele in front of him. 

“Eric,” he repeated desperately, thrusting his hips forward, trying to get Eric to move his hands to its intended target. 

“Wait,” he told him, a laugh laced into his voice. “Patience, love.”

“Eric,” he whined as Eric moved his hands off his legs completely and ran them up his arms and down his chest, thumbs purposely gracing his nipples. 

Dele wiggled at the slow, torturous teasing Eric was giving him. He tried to remain still but his breath would hitch every time Eric would pay a little bit more attention to any part of him. Now it was his hands, kissing along his palms, his hands grasping his wrists, holding him firmly but not too hard to leave marks, even though Dele desperately wanted him to. He wanted to recall this night, right now, for as long as those bruises remained. Eric kissed along the pads of his fingers, teeth grazing the skin as he moved on to the next digit. Dele has never felt such love and something so erotic as what he was experiencing. His cock wasn’t being touched but he was as turned on as he’d ever been in his life. The time Eric was taking with him was driving him absolutely mad. He was letting out little whimpers and hisses, noises he didn’t know he could make. Eric Dier truly loved him and he felt the same exact way. His heart was bursting at the seams with all the love he was feeling. He could see Eric’s lips moving but couldn’t make out what he was saying, he was whispering to himself or actually whispering into Dele’s skin. Eric was still fully clothed when he dropped Dele’s hand and moved to hover over him, kissing along his face. Kissing his now closed eye lips before moving on to his cheeks, chin, and eventually his mouth. Kissing Eric was an experience he never took for granted. It was as if Dele was born to kiss only Eric, that’s how perfect they felt together. Eric gently biting at Dele’s bottom lip to get him to open his mouth, rubbing their hips together, the friction and feel of Eric’s clothes on his exposed skin making Dele hum into his mouth. 

“Eric,” he whined, wanting, needing to feel more. 

“What, baby?” He asked softly, moving his mouth off of Dele’s and biting lightly on his earlobe. “What do you need?”

“Please,” he begged, hooking his ankles around Eric’s thighs and thrusting forward for good measure. “Please.”

“I’ve got you,” he promised. Against his instincts Eric sat up and away from Dele who groaned at the loss of contact. His hands fumbled with his belt as he unhooked it, unbuttoning his pants and slowly pulling down his zipper. He kept the intense eye contact with Dele as he disrobed, watching as he bit his lip in anticipation. Eric’s hands were shaking as he pushed both his pants and boxers off, trying to keep his balance as he did so. He took a few deep breaths before throwing his clothes alongside wherever Dele’s landed and moved back to hover over Dele. “I love you.”

“Love you,” he responded instantly, hissing at the contact of Eric’s hot skin on his. They were plastered together, shoulders down to their toes. 

“I don’t want this to end,” he softly confessed, voice coming out a little bit broken at his own confession. 

“Stay,” Dele begged, his eyes searching Eric’s blue ones. 

“Del-“

“Stay,” he repeated, this time sounding desperate. 

“Dele.”

“Stay,” he cried. 

Eric was immediately up and off of Dele as he noticed the tears welling up in the younger man's eyes. He cupped his face with both hands, his thumbs rubbing at his now tear stained cheeks. “Babe.”

“Don’t go,” he choked out. “Eric, please.”

“Dele, I-I have to,” be told him softly, his thumbs still rubbing at his face. 

Dele raised his hands to put them over Eric’s, steadying his movements. “I-I thought I could do this, pretend that it wasn’t happening, but-but I can’t.”

“I know,” Eric replied with a nod. “You’ve been holding it in for too long. We both have.”

“Don’t leave,” he begged pathetically. “I know my words can’t change your mind, your contract, but I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not losing me,” Eric cooed at him. “I may be leaving physically but you’re not losing me. Not now, not ever. Okay?”

“I know,” he agreed quietly, sitting up so his back was up against the pillows resting on the headboard. He laughed to himself softly, shaking his head. 

“What’s so funny?” Eric asked, eyebrows raised in confusion. 

“I ruined our goodbye sex,” he laughed, tears still falling. 

Eric shook his head, now laughing along with Dele at their situation. “I don’t need sex to know how much you care about me, how much I care about you.”

“I planned this entire day to lead up to this super romantic moment to cry as soon as you got your cock out,” he continued laughing. “Good job, Bamidele.”

“You’re still hard, do you want me to?” Eric asked, gesturing to Dele’s dick. 

“Oh god no,” Dele groaned, rubbing at his face harshly. “The mood has passed, the night is ruined.”

Eric removed Dele’s hands from his face and held onto them tightly. “The night is ruined. This day has been perfect, beyond my wildest dreams. Honestly, Del. Nothing is ruined.”

“Hold me,” he squeaked out. “One last time?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out. His heart hurt at the realization that it was in fact the last time he’d be in the same bed as Dele, the last time in a long time he’d been able to hold him while they slept. “Let’s get some rest, love. You deserve it.”

Eric maneuvered himself so he was lying on his back, Dele moving along with him so he could rest his head on Eric’s chest, immediately intertwining their legs under the covers. Eric began to run this hand up and down Dele’s back to sooth him. He could still feel the remainder of his tears on his chest. It was quiet in the room, just their collective breathing patterns. The past few minutes, the entire day honestly, hung heavy over their heads. There was a lot left unsaid but they had said enough already. Dele placed a kiss on Eric’s chest before looking up at him to smile. He had finally stopped crying, his eyes shining in the darkened room. Eric took his free hand and smoothed down Dele’s hair before placing a kiss on top of his head for comfort. They were okay, far from perfect, but okay. They’d tackle tomorrow when it came. Right now it was the two of them and that’s all that mattered. Dele would be lying if he said he was afraid to go to sleep, not wanting the day to end and he could sense that Eric knew it as well despite not saying anything. They did enough talking for now. They didn’t need to be reminded of the inevitable, especially tonight. Eric pulled Dele into him closer, trying to mold their bodies into one it felt like. Dele sighed against his chest, the weight of the day finally taking its toll on him as he tried to stifle a yawn. Eric laughed above him, his own yawn following shortly after. 

“It’s contagious,” Eric concurred. “Go to sleep.”

“I don’t want to,” he replied, scoffing at himself and how he sounded like a petulant child. 

“Del,” he called to him gently. “Sleep. I’m right here and I’m going to sleep as well. We still have the morning.”

“Still have the morning,” he repeated. “The alarm is set for half past five, your bags are in the boot of the car as well as your passport, ticket, and boarding pass. I’m driving you to Heathrow.”

“Okay,” Eric said, not wanting to argue over how much he didn’t want him to, didn’t need him to do that. 

Sleep was difficult for Dele all night. He did eventually fall asleep once he heard Eric’s breath even out and the little snore he always let out once he was in a deep sleep. It was comforting for him to hear it so Dele tried to fall asleep himself. It took him longer than he anticipated even though he was actually tired. Every time Eric moved during the night it woke Dele up. He’d turn, Dele would wake up, Eric would cough, Dele would wake up. His mind was not at ease thus causing him to have a reckless night's sleep. He woke up and just stared at the ceiling above him, today was the day. The alarm was set to go off in mere minutes and with it, the start of the day Dele was dreading. He knew about this day for weeks but refused to believe that it’ll actually come until he was forced to face it head on. He let out a few shuddering breaths as he waited for the ringing of the alarm. He cuddled deeper into Eric’s side, wanting to feel as much warmth as possible on his own skin. He stared at him, trying to memorize his face, his body, having it burn into his mind. They’d been separated before during summer holidays or even during the season, but this, this was on a totally different scale. This was unprecedented for them. As soon as the alarm rang Dele heard a groan escape from Eric as he reached past him to turn it off. They just laid there, not doing anything but breathe. No one knew how to approach the topic, figure out how to officially start the day. A day that was technically going to end in less than two hours. 

“Dele.”

“No,” he quickly responded, burying himself deeper into Eric’s side, if that was even possible.

“Dele,” he repeated with a groan. 

“Not yet,” he whined. “Five more minutes.”

“Del, I have to pee so you need to move, please,” he told him as carefully as possible. “I also need to shower before we head out.”

“They have showers in Italy,” he grumbled against Eric’s side. “Skip the shower.”

“Del,” he said this time more sternly. “Let me get up, please.”

“Fine,” he gave him reluctantly, moving so Eric could get up and off the bed. 

Dele laid in the bed, once again starting at the ceiling as he heard the water for the shower turn on. Today was the day they’d both been avoiding for far too long. Dele knew that once Eric got out of the shower he wouldn't be able to stop, he had a one track mind that led him to the airport. There wouldn’t be a chance to stop and talk, hash out their feelings, make sure nothing was left unsaid. That was going to be next to impossible now. The water turned off and Eric emerged from the bathroom moments later with a towel wrapped tightly around his waist, he looked over at Dele and smiled softly at him before heading towards his bag to retrieve clean clothes for the day. He got dressed in the small corner of the room and all Dele could do was lay there and watch. So close but so far, just how their lives were going to end up being. Against his better judgment Dele eventually got up himself to shower quickly before getting ready for the day. When he emerged from the bathroom Eric was rummaging through his bag muttering to himself, more than likely making sure he had everything before they left. Dele couldn’t have cared less if he had left anything behind. He wished he could leave Eric behind and crawl back into the bed with him, or drive them home and hide with him there. 

“Come here,” Eric called to him, pulling Dele in by his hips. 

“Yes?” He asked, feeling a little lightheaded by the sheer brush of Eric’s knuckles on his skin. He sighed, already missing it. 

“Thank you for yesterday,” he told him, resting his forehead against Dele’s. “We won’t be able to have a proper goodbye at the airport.”

“See you later, not goodbye,” he corrected him weakly. 

“See you later, not goodbye,” Eric agreed, kissing Dele’s forehead. “I want you to drop me off and just leave me, okay?”

“Eric-“

“I-I can’t have you take me to security and have to see this face break all over again, I can’t,” he told him. 

“Babe,” Dele cooed at him, knocking his head softly against Eric’s, closing his eyes. 

“This is the first selfish thing I have ever done in my life and it’s killing me,” he acknowledged quietly. “I need to do this, but I don’t want to do this.”

“Don’t go,” he begged once again, his hands in Eric’s shirt, gripping tightly as if he could make him stay just by his touch alone. 

Eric closed his eyes at how broken Dele’s voice was, it was breaking him as well. “I have to.”

“I want you to succeed and show everyone how amazing you are,” he began with a sigh, “but I also don’t want you to do well because I want you to realize that you’re making a mistake.”

“That’s probably the loveliest thing you’ve ever said to me,” he laughed. “Wherever I am my heart is always with you.”

Dele raised his hand and placed it over Eric’s heart, feeling it beat underneath his fingertips. He tried to echo his breathing with the beating of Eric’s heart, listening and feeling intently to mimic the pattern. They stood in the middle of the room in next to silence, their bodies as intertwined as it could be while standing. Foreheads still pressed together, Eric’s hands on Dele’s hips, Dele’s hand still over Eric’s heart. He tapped along to the beat, thrumming his fingers over the shirt Eric was wearing. They knew they were running late, but neither of them cared despite the anxiety running through Eric’s veins about everything happening. He needed to be here right now, engulfed in all things Dele. He needed a few more minutes to remember everything. His smell, his touch, his taste. The way his smile looked in every light possible, the way his hair fell over his face after a shower and before any product touched it. Things he took for granted over the last four years. Things he now desperately needed to have tattooed in his mind to get him through. Eric lifted his head slowly, placing a tentative kiss on Dele’s forehead, feeling his throat and chest tightening up at the action. It hurt, it hurt to think about it and especially do it. All of it was going to hurt and keep on hurting until he eventually adapted and adjusted to his new normal, whenever that was going to be. 

“I love you,” Eric whispered into Dele’s forehead, lips squished into his skin. 

Dele let out a heavy sigh that held so much he wanted to but couldn’t say. “I love you.”

“We’ll be okay,” he promised him. “You’ll be okay.”

“I’ll be okay,” he agreed weakly. “For you, for us.”

“Yes,” he nodded, moving his hands to cup Dele’s cheeks. He maneuvered himself so he was looking him directly in the eyes. He kissed Dele once then twice and then a third time. “I’ve got to go, Del.”

“Okay,” he let out slowly, not moving from his position. He closed his eyes to collect himself before sighing. “Okay.”

Eric was the first to move, untangling himself from Dele and going to grab his bag from where he had left it by the corner of the room. He turned and saw Dele still standing where he had left him, unmoving. “Come on.”

“Okay.”

“Means you got to put on your shoes and move,” Eric tried to joke, words falling flat. 

“Okay.”

They did eventually get ready and out the room, Dele dragging his feet the whole time. The car ride was awkward and full of some type of feeling neither of them could define. Dele definitely made sure he was holding Eric’s hand as he drove them to the airport. The radio was off and windows were down to feel the last bit of summer heat London had to offer them, even early in the morning. As soon as Dele pulled off into the exit his breath hitched in his throat. This was it. No turning back, no more stalling. The one day Dele desperately wanted traffic it was as if not a single car was driving that morning. Figures. He parked in front of the entrance and huffed. Eric looked around trying to look anywhere but at Dele which hurt but was understandable. Dele felt like he sounded like a broken record with the amount of times he had sighed in the last thirty six hours. He looked over at Eric who was finally looking over at him. 

“This is me,” Eric said with a shrug. 

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Next stop, Italy.”

“Yeah,” he echoed. He unbuckled his belt and turned to face Dele completely. “I’ll call when I land, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” he did with another nod. “Have a safe flight, Diet.”

“I love you,” he told him, bringing Dele in by the back of his neck for a kiss. He threw himself into it, everything he wanted to say but couldn’t was going out through his kiss. Words that he didn’t even know existed were coming through him by the way he gripped the back of Dele’s next, nipped on his bottom lip with his teeth. 

“Go,” Dele gasped when they pulled away, pushing him away. “I-I can’t have a repeat of last night or this morning. Okay. I don’t want you to see me crying anymore.”

“Okay,” Eric responded with a curt nod. He opened the car door and walked around to the boot to retrieve his bag and whatever else Dele may have packed for him. He closed the boot and walked towards the drivers side of the car. He crouched down so he was eye level with Dele for one final time. “Thank you for making me happy, thank you for making me realize that coming back home had more than one meaning. Thank you for giving me a home in your heart and soul.”

Dele moved his hand out the window and cupped Eric’s cheek, his thumb caressing the skin. “Thank you for making me realize home is a place and not a thing. That I’m supposed to be loved and allowed to be loved.”

“I love you, Delboy.”

“Love you, too,” he whispered. “Now go before your plane leaves and you're stuck with me indefinitely.”

Eric stood up, readjusting his bag over his shoulder and laughed. “Already am, smart ass.”


End file.
